Last Night's Disturbing Dream

I had the strangest, most terrifying dream last night. In my dream, I was someone else, in another, pioneer sort of time period—I want to say late 1800s. I still had curly hair, but I was wearing petticoats, boots and a gingham work dress. In the past I had left home for some reason having to do with work and money, and gone to live and work in a little town in the middle of a grassy plains, with mountains on the horizon on either side. I had been there for some time and I loved my neighbors, many of whom happened to be gay and in couples and had sort of formed a small inclusive community unnoticed by the outside world. Until the day when a macho guy from my childhood showed up unexpectedly (I think he had some intention of checking up on me to eventually marry me), realized the Truth about my community and angrily rode off before I could do anything about it. When he showed up again at dusk it was with a lynch mob, and I watched in horror from the sidelines as they ransacked the town and tortured its inhabitants. Suddenly, it was if I had a time-turner, and the dream sped backwards to right before the attack. This time I threw myself at the macho leader guy, telling him detailed stories of the humanity of the townspeople (not all of whom were gay, but those who weren’t seemed to get punished even more for permitting this “sinful” life style) in a futile attempt at mercy. He flung me aside. I ran up to him from behind, throwing myself at him and punching. In real life, I punched the wall by my bed and woke up crying.

The dream was truly eerie for several reasons. Never can I remember ever having a dream in which I wasn’t playing myself—sure, I’ve had dreams where my version of self is slightly off from reality, but this was different. I’ve never had a historical dream. I’ve also never had a dream this grounded in detail. When I looked at the people in my community, I saw years of memories with each one of them, and when I looked at the man, I guiltily remembered his lonely childhood and the specific incidence of teasing in the schoolyard that had driven him into a bitter adulthood. Finally, unlike most dreams, this one hasn’t evaporated immediately after I awoke. Roll your eyes if you want, but it all makes me feel as though I tapped into something weird.

And on that odd beginning note, off to my first day...